


Daedalus' Lament

by Captain Natasha Riker-Troi (textsfrompicard)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Admiral Paris cameo, Bad Parenting, Family, Family Issues, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24379342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/textsfrompicard/pseuds/Captain%20Natasha%20Riker-Troi
Summary: Lwaxana Troi and Kyle Riker cross paths at a diplomatic reception. I was struggling with this fic until I realized that Kyle and Lwaxana have something in common: they both had to deal with the grief of losing a spouse while at the same time raising a young child alone, but they handled it in drastically different ways. So this is them comparing notes and bickering over their different parenting styles, which eventually gives way to bonding over their similar experiences. The main part of this story takes place sometime after the TNG novel Imzadi and before the start of TNG, and the first and last sections take place right after Will and Deanna’s Betazoid wedding ceremony, not long after the end of Nemesis.
Kudos: 18





	Daedalus' Lament

**Author's Note:**

> I was heavily inspired by the TNG novel A Time to Hate and the Lost Era novel Deny Thy Father. I also frequently consulted and will be eternally grateful to Memory Alpha and Memory Beta.

_Amick Hall, Rixx, Betazed  
Present day (circa early December 2379)_

Will and Deanna’s second wedding went off without a hitch. Lwaxana had been in charge of… well, just about everything, and she had ensured that the entire affair proceeded in the finest Betazoid tradition. Her ever-shifting plans had finally settled on a pre-wedding party at Lake Cataria, followed by the ceremony itself (in all its naked glory) in the chapel where Will and Deanna had first met, and now they were having the post-wedding reception at Amick Hall.

“All things considered, I think it went rather well,” Lwaxana was saying to her new son-in-law. Deanna was on the other side of the spacious banquet hall, surrounded by a gaggle of her old university friends. She and Will had jumped through the hoops Lwaxana set out with dutiful aplomb, having already had their first (and in their minds, real) wedding ceremony in Terran style on Earth. Their Betazoid ceremony had had the feel of a touring company performance, and the celebratory atmosphere was marred only by the recent death of their longtime friend and shipmate, Data. The shadow of their recent loss was never far from their minds during the proceedings, reminding them that every moment was precious. Will was eternally grateful that he and Deanna had finally come to their senses and resolved to spend the rest of their lives together.

“I do wish Deanna’s father could have been here to see this,” Lwaxana said wistfully. “I know he would have approved of you, William. Eventually.”

Will was amused. “Thanks… I think.” 

Thinking of Deanna’s father led inevitably to thoughts of his own father. They had only just started to really communicate with each other again (had they ever really communicated in the first place?) when Kyle had been killed earlier that year, while saving Will’s life. During one of their last conversations, Kyle had revealed to Will that he’d briefly made the acquaintance of one Lwaxana Troi in the past. Unfortunately, Kyle had been killed before he could reveal any of the details—

“Oh, I’d forgotten about that,” Lwaxana said suddenly, bringing Will out of his reverie and reminding him that one shouldn’t allow one’s mind to wander in the presence of a telepath. “It’s been years since the last time we met, but I remember the first time like it was yesterday...”

****************************************

_Mitrypso III  
Approximately eighteen years ago_

“Oh good, Kyle, you’re here,” Admiral Paris said as Kyle Riker stepped off the transporter pad. “I’d like to introduce you to someone.” He led Kyle over to the most ostentatiously dressed woman he had ever seen in his life. “This is Lwaxana Troi—” 

“Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, and Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.”

“—Betazed’s ambassador to the Federation. Mrs. Troi, this is Kyle Riker. The two of you will be working very closely together on this treaty.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Kyle offered, politely holding out his hand. Lwaxana did not take it, but instead coolly raised her eyebrows at him, regarding him with inscrutable onyx irises.

“Riker? Any relation to William Riker?”

Kyle’s eyes blinked rapidly in surprise as a flurry of other emotions suddenly rose up in him, unbidden. “He’s my son. You know him?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Lwaxana said stiffly. “He was assigned to Betazed a few years ago. He had a brief fling with my daughter and once his tour of duty was done he just up and left her without so much as a goodbye.”

Kyle was stunned speechless. Admiral Paris hesitantly looked back and forth between them, uncertain what was transpiring. “I guess I’ll... ah... leave you to get better acquainted, then.” He meandered away from the pair, trying to appear casual and nonchalant.

Kyle looked back at Lwaxana, who continued to stare at him accusingly. She seemed determined to hold him responsible for his son’s actions. And who could blame her? It had been his job to teach Will all the lessons of life, and he’d done that mainly by example. Perhaps he’d taught him too well.

“I’m… afraid he may have learned that from me.”

“Oh? Did you abandon his mother, too?”

Kyle’s temper flared, and it was all he could do to keep from shouting. “Absolutely not! I loved her… until the day she died.” He looked down and away, and Lwaxana felt a wave of pain and regret emanate from him. Pity welled up involuntarily in her heart in response. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Embarrassed at what was for him an excessive display of emotion, Kyle attempted to cover his pain with a gruff tone of voice. “Didn’t you learn any of this from Will?” he asked her, more defensively than he had intended.

“Oh, he didn’t talk about his parents or his childhood to me. I know he’s said more to Deanna- my daughter— but so far she has insisted on respecting his privacy.”

“I thought Betazoids were telepaths.”

“Yes, and we’re also polite ones. Polite telepaths don’t intrude on the thoughts of others without their permission.”

“Touché.”

“I do know he doesn’t think very highly of you. Any chance you could tell me why?”

Kyle hesitated. “Well… I guess I wasn’t as there for him as I could... as I _should_ have been.”

“You ‘guess’?”

“I know.”

“Right.”

They stared at each other in silence. Kyle suddenly felt as though he was under a very powerful, flamboyantly dressed microscope, who had the ability to lay all his thoughts and motivations bare with almost no effort, and was only holding back out of the most perfunctory sense of propriety. He felt an impulse to defend himself, although he wasn’t entirely sure from what, or how the conversation had gotten so personal so quickly. He rarely spoke of his wife or son to anyone, not even his closest friends (not that there were very many of those; like most of the Riker men, Kyle was the stoic, silent, solitary type).

“Look, his mother died when he was very young, only a toddler. I raised him as best I could, and when he was fifteen, I decided the job was done—”

“And what, you just _left_ him?” Lwaxana asked incredulously.

Kyle’s defensiveness increased. What right did this woman have to judge him? “You don’t understand what it’s like to raise a child alone, without—”

“Oh, **_DON’T I?”_**

Lwaxana’s outburst startled everyone within earshot, which was nearly half the room. She didn’t seem to notice the attention she had momentarily attracted. As the buzz of conversation gradually returned to the surrounding crowd, she took a deep breath and continued in a more measured tone, although the fire remained in her eyes.

“My husband died when my daughter was seven years old. He was the love of my life, and losing him was the worst pain I’ve ever— I can remember knowing. But I stuck it out for Deanna. I was there for her for the rest of her childhood, and I didn’t call it quits once she was grown up. I’m still there for her, even now that she’s at Starfleet Academy half a quadrant away. Can you say the same about yourself and your son?”

“Listen, Lwaxana—.”

“That’s Mrs. Troi to you.”

“Mrs. Troi... I don’t know what you want from me. I did the best I could—.”

“But you _didn’t_ do the best you could.” Lwaxana interrupted, righteous indignation buoying her forward and overpowering whatever response Kyle was attempting to craft. “You did the bare minimum. Parenting is _not_ about doing the bare minimum. It’s about doing what’s best for your child, all the time, without question or hesitation. You don’t just run out on them as soon as you think the ‘job is done’.”

Kyle had no response to that, and as Lwaxana continued to glare at him with her arms folded across her chest, he realized that there wasn’t one.

“I’m sorry about your husband,” he said at last, mainly out of a lack of anything else to say. “If you don’t mind my asking, how did he die?”

“He was a Starfleet officer. He was killed in the line of duty.”

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “And your daughter is going into the same line of work?”

“Yes... well, not quite the same. Ian was a science officer, and Deanna’s one of the first cadets to join Starfleet’s new counseling program. She already has multiple psychology degrees from the University of Betazed.”

“Wow. You must be very proud of her.”

Lwaxana lifted her chin regally. “Yes, I am.”

“I’m proud of my son, too,” Kyle insisted, almost defensively, although Lwaxana had not accused him of being otherwise.

“You should be. He’s a very fine young man... no thanks to you.”

“I thought you were upset with him for running out on your daughter.”

Lwaxana smiled wistfully. “I was the wife of a Starfleet officer once. I understand that sometimes the people we love have duties elsewhere. Besides, we all make foolish mistakes when we’re young. William may yet come to his senses.... hmm.”

“What?”

“I’m just wondering if more of your influence would have made him a better man or a worse one.”

Kyle sighed. “I’m afraid I would've just made things worse no matter what I did.”

“That doesn't surprise me.” Lwaxana smirked, but Kyle remained unamused. There was a moment of silence, then Lwaxana spoke again.

“How did your wife die?”

“She was sick... very sick, for a long time. I took care of her, and Will, as best I could, until she couldn’t hang on any longer. And then I was left alone with this... tiny person, and I didn’t have the slightest idea how to be both a father and a mother to him... _for_ him. So I imparted upon him as many life skills as I could— cooking, housework, fishing, you name it. I made sure he was equipped to handle life on his own, and then... I left him, on his own. I’m not proud of it,” he added hastily. “I’m not trying to justify myself to you. I just... I need to explain myself to someone, _anyone_. Since my son and I aren’t exactly talking right now.”

Kyle looked at her beseechingly, spreading his arms wide in invitation. “You can look inside my head if you like. I’m not exactly the best at putting things into words.”

Lwaxana stared at him, momentarily taken aback, then she closed her eyes and reached out with her mind. Easily brushing aside the curtains shrouding Kyle’s surface thoughts, she submerged herself in his mind…

Images bubbled up from the depths, flickering and disjointed. A blonde woman is laughing, her blue eyes sparkling, as he spins her around a crowded dance floor. The crowd slowly drifts to the edges of the room as more and more people become transfixed by their performance, but they don’t notice, so caught up as they are in each other.

He marries her in an open-air tent in the middle of the Denali mountain range. It’s the happiest day of his life, until she gives him a son the following year. The delivery was difficult for her, so he finds himself taking care of both of them. The double burden doesn’t feel like a burden at all to him. His heart is filled with joy and family togetherness.

Sickness slowly fades to healing and then sickness again, until the final shadow falls on his heart. The joy is now tainted, the family incomplete.

He tries to bond with his son, but obstacles seem to keep cropping up in his path. Maybe he’s deliberately seeking them out. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care to look closely enough to find out.

As the distance between them grows wider, he looks desperately for ways to stay connected to his son. He’s standing across from Will, now twelve years old, both of them decked out in full anbo-jyutsu garb. He has maintained a tenuous connection with Will for four years with this game, but Will’s mastery of it was now approaching his own. Ever the tactician, Kyle devises a way to keep Will invested in the game, using the _Hachidan kiritsu_ move. Will is too young to know this is an illegal move, so he keeps coming back to the arena, each time hoping that _this_ will be the time he finally beats his father. Kyle has no intention of letting him win, of course. Deep down, he’s afraid that if he does, Will’s interest in the game will fade, and one of the few ways he can still connect to his son will fade with it, leaving them with nothing in common.

The two of them are fishing in the grey Alaskan dawn. Will’s fifteen now, and starting to think about his future. Kyle knows the boy is interested in Starfleet, and on one level he’s proud of that, but on a deeper, more fundamental level, he dreads the notion of his son growing up and leaving home, because he fears that the distance which always exists between them can only increase from there. So Kyle heads off the conversation every time Will tries to bring it up, because he doesn’t want them to grow apart. And so the distance between them grows.

He knows that Will is mature enough now to make his own way in the world. It won’t be long before his son starts to chafe against the perceived restrictions of life in a small town, as well as the rules set down by his father. In a futile quest to take control of a situation he can’t control, he makes the decision to leave preemptively, to abandon his son before his son can abandon him. 

Looking back through Lwaxana’s eyes, he can see how he was refusing to face his feelings, choosing to suppress his pain and joy and fear instead of experiencing them directly. He still keeps his emotions locked away, in one of an endless series of boxes in his mind, where he keeps all the problems he can’t fix. 

Even now, he doesn’t let Lwaxana see all the way inside the box. She’s right on the edge, Kyle’s memories and regrets swirling about her, one final barrier between her and his innermost thoughts. It would take only one firm push to break it down, and then she would know Kyle Riker better than she knew herself. However, her training and her innate sense of morality prohibit her from proceeding further. 

In any case, the deeper she goes into the shadowy recesses of his mind, the more they seem to stare back at her. There was a familiarity to the darkness that left her profoundly uneasy, in a way she couldn’t quite explain. But there was no reason for that. Lwaxana always wore her emotions on her sleeve, and gave no fucks as to who saw them. She had certainly never repressed them to the extent that this man had. Absolutely not. But there was something she recognized in him… 

With a start, Lwaxana realized that Kyle was seeking absolution. He was confessing his sins— the wrongs he’d done by his child— to her in a desperate bid for forgiveness. But she wasn’t the one who could give it to him.

Her expression softened. “I do understand, Kyle. I may not agree with how you handled things, but I do understand what you went through... what you’re still going through. You never completely overcome the loss of a spouse, no matter how much time goes by. And being a parent... that doesn’t stop just because your child is fully grown. She— or he— still needs you to be there for her— or him, emotionally, even if you can’t be there physically all the time.” 

She paused for a moment. “Why don’t you try reaching out to your son? He might be willing to at least listen to what you have to say. And there are a lot of things you need to say.”

“I don’t know…”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. One of you has to make the first move, Kyle. It might as well be you. You’re the one who has the most to answer for here.”

Kyle smiled wryly. “I suppose I do. But I can’t just call him out of the blue... if I try to ask him for a meeting, there’s no guarantee he’ll agree to see me, or even respond to my message. I need another reason to go see him... some sort of official business.” He pondered briefly. “Sooner or later he’ll be offered his own command, and someone’s going to have to brief him on his new mission. Like you said,” he added with a smirk, “it might as well be me.”

Lwaxana raised an eyebrow, smiling. “He did strike me as rather ambitious. That day might come sooner rather than later.”

Kyle smiled, and this time there was no hint of bitterness or irony to it. “It just might.”

It was at that point Admiral Paris returned. “Ah, glad to see you’re getting along.” He looked first at Lwaxana, then Kyle. “So do you think you’ll be able to work well together?”

Lwaxana met Kyle’s gaze and returned his smile. “Yes, I think we will.”

****************************************

_Amick Hall, Rixx, Betazed  
Present day_

“We met on a few occasions after that,” Lwaxana said to Will as she concluded her story. “But there was always something else going on, some diplomatic situation that required the bulk of our attention, so we never spoke like that again.”

Will stood there for a moment in stunned silence. “Amazing. You got more out of him in five minutes than I ever did in my entire life.”

Lwaxana reached out and placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “He did love you, William. He just had trouble looking past himself.”

“Well, _that’s_ an understatement.”

Her eyebrows went up. “What’s that human expression? ‘The apple didn’t exactly fall far from the tree’?”

Will looked over to where Deanna was still talking with her old school friends. “I know. But I’ve fixed that, haven’t I?”

Lwaxana's expression softened. “Yes, you have, William. I knew you would, once I met your father. We all make mistakes in life, William, and we all have regrets. But how we deal with them differs from person to person. You have a lot in common with your father, but there are also key differences between you. Not only do you possess the desire to grow and change, you also have the will— no pun intended. And you also have the added benefit of the opportunity to learn from two sets of mistakes— your own as well as his.”

Will considered that for a moment. “I’ve never looked at it like that before. That kind of makes me feel better about the whole thing.”

Lwaxana smiled. “What else are mothers for?”

Will let out a chuckle. “I’m pretty sure you’re nothing like my mother.”

“No, perhaps not,” Lwaxana sighed. “But everyone needs a mother, William. Even if the best they can do is a mother-in-law.”

Will smiled gratefully at her in that way he had, the one that came primarily from his eyes. “I don’t think I could have done better for a mother-in-law than you, Lwaxana.”

“Posh,” Lwaxana sniffed haughtily. “You’re just saying that in order to stay in my good graces.”

Will’s grin grew wider, and his psionic aura radiated mischief. “Yes, I am.” 

Just then the band began to play a Terran waltz. Will offered Lwaxana his arm. “May I have this dance?”

“By all means, Command— er, _Captain_.”

And he swept his mother-in-law out onto the glossy parquet dance floor.


End file.
